When I first started this blog earlier this May 2016, I told all of you that I will not only share with you all my reviews, but my life realizations as well. And, I haven’t really been sharing realizations lately because I’m too busy being a reading bum this summer instead of doing things I’m tasked to do by no one. You see, I have volunteered my life to do something I don’t even know why I am doing it in the first place. I have signed up for studying all my life. And being an incoming premed junior? You can’t really rewind your life to start over again from the start. Not when you’re doing well. And most especially, not when everyone knows you’re almost a quarter way through.

This is the story of my life.

I’m not born into a rich fairytale. My dad isn’t a prince, and my mom was a princess. Yes, my mom was her own princess with super rich parents. But love made her turn away from wealth and into my father’s hands. Love is really a very powerful thing, but it is also weak when it wants to be. The outcome of a unfavored marriage made me and my siblings. Scrap that, they had me before marriage and my other siblings. Simply because love is blind. And because love is young.

Anyway, that’s the start of the story. The reason why we’re not rich. You see, rich people are only rich because they root from the rich. You know what they say, the rich gets richer, while the poorer gets poorer. However, though I’m not a blue blood, my parents have provided me with everything. As in everything and anything. Sure, my parents don’t make a fortune, but they still give me and my siblings everybody else has. I own an iPhone, I have a Macbook Pro, I have all my expensive premed books…we have an Xbox, a Kinect, a Wii, a PS4,…my dad just bought my sister an expensive Charriol necklace for her eighteenth birthday. We have a really nice house in a nice location. We might not have a Porsche, but I drive my own little car to school. To cut it short…my parents? They never left us…unprovided. Except with food sometimes. My mom doesn’t really cook that much. But I can’t blame her since she has been busy recently with all the financial problems going on.

I’m a premed student, still living the dream I had with me almost all my childhood life. When I was in grade school, there was always this famous question that goes “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The truth is, I hated the stupid freaking famous question. I hated answering people that because how the hell would I know? I was a freaking child. But all my classmates seemed to come up with something. And so I did the same. When I was in grade two, I told the class I wanted to be a teacher. Not because I wanted to, but because it was the easiest to draw. I mean, all you had to do was draw a stick figure of a girl holding a long stick standing beside a black board. And, I suck at drawing. I needed to at least pass the activity, so lying was worth it, right? As if anyone would know. But seriously? I don’t want to be a teacher. Um…no thanks. Not that I have anything against the profession. We all have our own wants anyway. So, fast forward to grade six, drawing what you wanted to be was not in the picture. Thank goodness. So I was free to tell the class what I wanted to be. Guess what I said? I said that I wanted to be a doctor. A paediatrician to be exact. I love kids. A lot. No. Scrap that. I love babies a lot. A really whole lot. I can carry them, take care of them, and love them forever. I loved babies, but I never really had a baby with me twenty four seven, since my siblings were born when I was still a child. I didn’t know that babies were babies then. Waste of chance to appreciate them. So anyways, yes. That’s what I told the world. Well, the class for that matter.

And when it was finally time to pick out my undergraduate course, of course I had to pick a really difficult and senseless one. I picked Biology and all those crappy premed courses. The truth is, I don’t even know why until this very dad. Was it because my “best friends” wanted to become doctors as well? Well, wanted to be one until she didn’t recently. But the other one was becoming a dentist. Did they influence me to want to aim for the same thing? Then, there were my relatives. They all knew what I told them. That I wanted to go into medicine. How can I back out then, right?

So that’s how I ended up in Biology in a school my dad is ashamed of. One of the reasons being that it isn’t the school of the country. I get it. I am ashamed of my own school too. I mean, if I have gotten in that number one university—that I would really have bragged about. But either way, I’m really doing okay in this school. Sure, I’m not number one, but I am doing okay. And, I want to continue running for latin honors. When I graduated high school, my parents didn’t have the chance to walk up on stage. And this time around, I want to give them that opportunity. Sure, I won’t be the batch valedictorian, but at least they would finally get that walk, and I would finally give them one of those medals. Hopefully, it would at least be the silver one since it would be really impossible to get the gold. I’m not Einstein. And I’m sure I didn’t descend from his tribe.

The thing is, recently, we have been having financial problems. And living in not a fairytale story, I feel like I have made the wrong decision to end up where I am today. I felt like I followed the wrong influences. I mean, I love writing, reading, and paper work. And sure, I do that in Biology, but sometimes, I would always second think my choice. Or rather, the result of my choice because of all my influences and wrong choices. But even if I want to, I can’t really take back my choice. Switching a course would mean starting all over and wasting money. And, how can I get my medal then, right? Sometimes, I feel like I’m not happy where I am now. Like, I’m studying this hard all for nothing. But I always remind myself why I chose medicine in the first place. I chose this because I want to become a successful doctor. I want to earn money to buy my family a home, a ton of cars, and everything they want. It’s all for them, really.

The thing is, I have this belief about dreams and goals. I only have one dream in my life. And that dream can only happen I I succeed in all my goals. Goals of becoming a successful ob-gyne. This is what I really want as of the moment given I’m stuck in Biology. Rather, given that I chose to be stuck. There are a whole ton of goals, I’m sure. But that one dream I have is to provide for my family. My family family, and my own future family. But given the circumstances, I don’t think I would ever get to have a love life. I really study a lot. Rather, I note take a lot. And dating is not in the option not only because I don’t have time, but also because no one is there to love me back. You see, at school, I’m a student. I don’t really fix myself. I wear my glasses because I hate wearing contacts. My hair is a mess because it’s just naturally wavy all the time. I’m not pretty when I don’t want to be. It’s my fault, I guess.

And now, at this very moment. I am writing this blog post to rant about my life and the choices I made out of necessity. The choices I am forcing myself to love. Even when the world of books is calling me to read and write. They say writing makes a hard living. And heck yeah, considering the writing clubs easily kick me out, or not even accept me at all. It’s frustrating. So, maybe choosing Biology is because writing is difficult too. Either way, they are both difficult.

I have been spending my entire summer reading. I have read millions of book this summer. Something I never did before. I am behind my advance reading. Seriously. I need to get back up. And, my faith is slacking too. Thanks to all the romances I read. If only life goes on like a story wherein a prince would save my ass, right? Well, he wouldn’t be my prince unless he saves not only my ass, but also my family’s. It’s all for them anyway. Always. It’s always for them. And honestly, they don’t even recognize it. I hope that one day, I would have bigger accomplishments. So that they don’t need to recognize it…because they would see it. They would see me shining there in the spotlight. Not only them…but also those who thought that I couldn’t. I wish.


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