If there is one thing I will never do, it would be to get my own sister in trouble. And tonight, I accept that I made a mistake, but what I cannot accept is the fact that my own mother thinks that I can manage to intend to hurt my own sister.
My father’s jealousy towards other people, most especially my one uncle, is beyond compare. And his jealousy towards other people, are somewhat likewise. And if there is one thing he hates, it would be my female cousin who happens to be the same age with my little sister.
My cousin has the perfect rich, tall, and worthy boyfriend, real friends, money, a nice big house, the well-kept family, and so much more. What hurts the most is that she gets to have everything, while we get to have only something. What is even more worse is that she gets to have more blessings when her and her family’s attitude is just like the devil’s.
And tonight, I accidentally and unintentionally mentioned that my cousin was with her boyfriend at a party my little sister went to. My sister cried buckets inside, while my dad compared her to my cousin. All the while, later on, my mom tells me that I intentionally mentioned this “thing” to my father to get my sister in trouble.
I get that she is angry, but I will never understand how she can think ill of me regarding the welfare of my own little sister. Yes, I am tactless, I was tactless, and now, I will not remain tactful. My family always tells me that they hate me. That they hate the way that I talk without end. That they hate the way I tell them things they do not give a hell about. They hate me, but then they have to love me anyway because I am part of the family.
If I am not in this family, these four people in my life will just hate me forever. And what hurts me is that even if they dislike me, I get all my inspiration from them. And I want all the success for them. And even if they do not love me as much, I still want to do such things because I love them. And, maybe that is enough for me. But tonight, it isn’t.
I know my mother hates me. I know she doesn’t like me as much. But I know she has to like me because she needs to and because I am her daughter. I know that if she doesn’t need anything, her mood is not as nice. And yes, I hate her in her bad moods. But I feel like she stabbed me deeper this time. Because she thought ill of me. This time, not because of selfishness, but pure loath.
I made a mistake. I did something wrong. But I will never do something like that to my sister. The way my mother is accusing me is a punishment like death. Because I get that she can’t fully love me…but the blame and her thoughts about me just proves that I am right.
I am angry at her. I love her. I love them. Even if they say they don’t.
And this is what hurts me. It hurts me a lot.
Miss Double Elle 